I am nervous. I am about to meet Elisha, a 33-year old mother of four and a participant in Saint John’s Program for Real Change. I have been asked to document her life story. Perhaps she is as nervous to share her history as I am to chronicle it.
Founded in 1985, the Sacramento-based Saint John’s program has been providing women like Elisha with the support and resources to escape their circuit of poverty, homelessness, abuse and dependence. The journey can be rigorous, as the women who pass through its red door are taking their first steps to a new beginning. They have affirmed a decision to make real and substantial changes in their lives through an 18-month continuum of counseling, parenting classes, education and career training. And they have made a commitment to sobriety.
My interview with Elisha takes place in a small conference room in Saint John’s offices. She walks in, and we introduce ourselves with a firm handshake. Elisha is wearing a broad smile. She tells me she has a lot to smile about lately.
Elisha entered Saint John’s in early December of 2015, after a three-month stint in jail for child endangerment (her boyfriend at the time was in possession of an illegal gun), followed by another three months in a drug rehabilitation center.
We make a little small talk. I want both of us to feel at ease with one another. Elisha is straight-forward, articulate and eager to talk. As her story unfolds, I learn that her mother introduced her to methamphetamine when she was a young teen. Both parents were addicts. She soon became addicted herself. As Elisha now recollects, her substance abuse was a way to flee from her feelings of inadequacy—low self-worth, powerlessness and even shame. She later moved in with her maternal grandparents who, she informs me, were not only functional alcoholics but who were also unwitting enablers, giving Elisha the spending money she used to support her habit.
As Elisha’s story progresses, her eyes begin to water. Perhaps too painful to recall, nevertheless, she wants to share her past and reveal her hopes for the future.
“her breaking point arrived the night before her two young children were removed from her custody and placed in foster homes. She was eight-months pregnant and the following day, June 17, 2015, she and her boyfriend were going to jail…”
At 16, Elisha left her grandparent’s home to marry a man just three years her senior. With a child soon on the way, the young mother-to-be found herself in an emotionally and physically abusive relationship. She tells me that at the time she equated love with control. In response to a question, Elisha proudly points out that she did receive an associate degree in science and worked for a time as a veterinary tech and a pet sitter.
Her relationship lasted five years, only to end when her husband left her and their young child for yet another teenage girl. Elisha discloses that she was devastated, fueling her feelings of abandonment and inadequacy. Her now-15 year old son lives with his father.
Elisha tells me that she hooked up with another man, with whom she had three more children: 4-year-old Jeremy, 3-year-old Jaxon and later a daughter. This partnership marked another dire turning point in her life. The boyfriend eventually lost his job and started selling heroin to make ends meet. Elisha became addicted to this powerful drug, eventually losing her rental home, “couch-surfing” with friends (her description of crashing at friends’ homes), and at times, living in a car.
Elisha confesses that her breaking point arrived the night before her two young children were removed from her custody and placed in foster homes. She was eight-months pregnant and the following day, June 17, 2015, she and her boyfriend were going to jail on charges of child endangerment linked to her partner’s concealment of an illegal firearm. Elisha prayed. She wanted help, she wanted to break the intergenerational cycle of abuse, she wanted to make healthy life choices. Just as important, she wanted to be a strong provider for herself and her children. Looking back, Elisha tells me, jail was perhaps the intervention she needed, the answer to her prayers. Imprisonment launched Elisha’s journey to getting well.
During her 90-day jail stay, Elisha was given doses of methadone to help reduce the symptoms associated with heroin withdrawal; however, she knew she would have to still face the pain and anxiety of getting off methadone. Elisha is resilient, a word she uses to describe herself. Six weeks into her incarceration, she gave birth to a healthy baby, Eva, who she had to reluctantly turn over to Child Protective Services, which she calls her first day of sobriety.
The day she was released from jail, Elisha moved into a rehab center. She then started calling Saint John’s program daily, anxious to demonstrate her commitment to change and to be invited to join the program.
During Elisha’s early weeks at Saint John’s, she admits to feeling anxious, hiding under a hoodie as she tried to go unnoticed. She explains her attempts at anonymity. Then she suddenly smiles, points to her new set of teeth, informing me that they are fake – dental implants to replace decayed teeth related to her long-term use of meth. Elisha no longer hides behind a hoodie. She is an active participant, hopeful and optimistic.
Elisha says she is so very thankful to Saint John’s for providing such a caring culture and supportive environment in which everyone has the opportunity to thrive. Elisha is thriving. While the road to self-discovery and empowerment is not over yet, she knows that every day she is making real and positive changes in her life. She has reunited with her three youngest children. She feels worthy. She finally loves herself. And very soon she will take the next step, moving from Saint John’s Gateway housing to transitional housing to a home of her own and financial security.
When I asked Elisha what she thinks has stayed the same in her life, she quickly responds “resiliency.” What has changed? She now understands the roots of her addiction. Although ever fearful of a relapse, she asserts that she is gradually developing effective coping strategies.
With a big grin, Elisha summarizes her path to recovery. The ultimate prize was when her son, Jeremy, told her she was the best mom in the world and when another mother told her she was a rock star. How good can it get?
Thanks Elisha for sharing your life story. You are an inspiration.
Written by Laura Wendel,
Saint John’s Community Supporter
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